Reflecting & examining ...

As I sit here in the quietness and stillness, just me and God, I began reflecting over my life, but mostly over the year.  My world was forever changed in May, 2011.  Since May, I've had much pain, sorrow, hurt, disappointment in others and in myself.  Much grief, despair, anger, resentment, and revulsion. 
I've dissected, added, multiplied, divided, subtracted and whatever else one does when calamity strikes.  I've had good days, bad days, zombie days, and then there are those days where fog, smog, and thick clouds hover around and you're sure there will be no sign of light anytime soon.  Then the Comforter, the Almighty God, grabs your hand or whispers in your ear to remind you that He's there, He sees, He knows, and He cares. 
Even in my darkest, trying, taxing times, He is there guiding me through it all.  When friends are nowhere to be found, when people you hold at a certain standard let you down, when you've been treated poorly, and you've been done wrong, God is ALWAYS there!  I have to remind myself to put my faith and trust in God and not to expect anything from others. 
Then there's the examining.  Self examination is hard, but it is very necessary.  In times of adversity, it is so easy to point the finger or place blame on others, instead of taking an inward self check.  We must be true to ourselves.  To be honest with yourself is one of the best gifts we can give ourselves.  It is a painful process, but rewarding.  It's hard to ask yourself those questions that float around in the mind and heart. 
To truthfully, honestly answer those questions lifts the weight.  To admit where you erred; to be open and honest about how you could have done or said things differently is mature and in my opinion, responsible.  Taking ownership in your wrong and faults is necessary for the examining stage. 
So with 2011 coming to an end and 2012 approaching, I am making a conscience decision/effort to start my New Year focusing on God, bettering myself and vowing to change only what I can and letting God handle what I can't.  I am taking my focus off of unnecessary things, negativity, and people who tear down instead of build up.  Life is too short and I want ALL that God has for me. 
Many will spend their night drinking, partying, dancing the night away, but I will be on my knees thanking the good Lord, for all He's done for me.  I wish you all a very Happy New Year!